Where all that food goes

 Engie asked for a fridge and pantry tour, and what the heck? Except SPOILER there is no pantry **whomp whomp**

We DO have a gross basement fridge (nothing wrong with this fridge except that Ben is in charge of cleaning it, and it has **never** been cleaned.)

It mainly holds overflow milk, bread (I like my bread in the fridge **shrug**) and random alcohol and mixers. Sometimes if I have ingredients I don't want the kids to eat, I stash them in here, and it is the official Thanksgiving Leftover Storage Spot.

The freezer on top is... a waste of space? I mean we do have a whole ass DUCK in there that I will never let Ben cook because I think duck is gross. Also popsicles, overflow chicken nuggets (LOL) and... other stuff that's too gross to eat because it has been frozen longer than 3 of my kids have been alive. There's at least 1 homemade pot pie and probably a lasagna from the time of the Obama administration. Plus big bags of frozen fruit that I overbought at some point and maybe some bagels in the back?

Also not my space to clean, so **shrug**

The upstairs fridge is kind of an organizational nightmare. It is REALLY deep, and the stuff in the back is ALWAYS hard to access. I have started following fridge organizing Instagram accounts, and some of these women have SALAD BARS in their refrigerators, and this will never be me, but it is so so so awesome.

What I have? Is a mess with LOTS AND LOTS of condiments, and even though I clean them out every few weeks, I always have more than we can reasonably use.

I also wipe the whole fridge down every week and clean out the meat and veggie drawers, and my fridge is still messy and has spills and crumbs. WHY?

In a perfect world, the upstairs fridge would be counter-depth, and this particular fridge/freezer combo would live in the garage to hold snacks and ice cream and beer. SOMEDAY MAYBE.

Right now, it is ALWAYS super full, first with groceries and, then, as the week progresses, with various tupperware containers of leftovers.

Always both produce drawers and usually the very bottom shelf are full to bursting

MORE PRODUCE cut up and ready for snacking on the shelf

SO MUCH CHEESE YOU GUYS.

Current lunch and snack fave-- mini bagels. The perfect size for Minnie's bento box!

Stephany asked about favorite breakfasts, and this is mine. I like to eat it in the car with a coffee on my way to work or home from school drop off while I listen to a book. It is a ton of calories and really well balanced and keeps me snack and craving free until lunch time.

Dorothy has been LOVING these meat and cheese snacks from Aldi-- she takes one for lunch with pretzels or crackers, fruit, match sticked baby carrots, and something sweet, and it's a perfect sandwich alternative for a kid who does not like sandwiches.

Our cabinets are kind of a shit show. Actually, if you come over, you will see that EVERY DRAWER, CLOSET, AND CABINET in the house is a shit show. It is just who I am, and I am not going to change NOW if the first 45 years are any indication.

We have one teeny little terrible spice cabinet

This other regular size cabinet gradually also became spices and small baking ingredients (the big stuff like sugar and flour is in an even bigger jumble-- I AM WHO I AM)

Also with flour and sugar is SOME BUT NOT ALL of my casserole dishes and pie pans and also parchment paper and foil and frosting bags because why would I ever store them with, like, frosting tips?. It makes zero sense.

We do not have a pantry, but DO have 2 really big cabinets jam effing packed with food of all kinds in a manner that defies categorization.

Like the fridge, these cabinets are really, really DEEP in a way that is actually super not helpful because WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHAT'S ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK? That's a rhetorical question because I know in the space of my brain that used to be absofuckinglutely BRILLIANT when I was, say, a PhD candidate defending my preliminary exams or researching my dissertation. Now I am a Wisconsin-sized mom who can always find you that particular kind of protein bar or box of tea you've been searching for in the cabinet. ASK ME WHERE YOUR PISTACHIOS ARE because I KNOW THAT ONE, too.

 

Like 3 rows of cereal deep

And then! In the laundry room! Right as we are on the way to the garage, we have boxes of random prepackaged snacks that we can grab to fill activity bags or the center console of my minivan or my purse. NO ONE LEAVES WITHOUT A SNACK DAMNIT.

Underneath those are bins of other stuff we need to grab on the way out the door: lipstick, lip balm, sunglasses, hand sanitizer, Minnie's tablet, tiny jars of play doh, mess-free coloring books, random kiddie books, markers, stickers, bouncy balls, small wooden puzzles, ziploc bags of Legos with a Lego mat to play on, etc. NO ONE LEAVES WITHOUT AMUSEMENTS, either.

Phew! There you have it. WHERE ALL THAT FOOD GOES.

While I was writing this, I thought of some mom hack stuff I have learned over the years, namely about things to always have on hand because you never know when a million kids are going to be at your house, etc.

Treats you should always stock:

Cinnamon rolls in a tube  (can be a fun breakfast or a cozy snack)

Cookie dough  (when you don't even have time to make cookies)

ingredients for chocolate chip cookies (specifically THESE)

brownie mix

frozen pizza

popcorn (we have a whirley pop and a really cool glass microwave popper)

Twizzlers and/or gummy bears (with the pizza and popcorn you are ALWAYS READY for movie night or a fun matinee)

stovetop hot chocolate ingredients

tiny marshmallows

Back up meal at the ready:

Frozen chicken nuggets

Boxed mac and cheese

canned green beans

applesauce

(this stuff like NEVER GOES BAD, and when it almost does JUST SERVE THIS TERRIBLE MEAL and restock for like $6. But chances are you will have an oh shit dinner night long before anything expires)

Smoothie stuff: (the quick and dirty oh my god it has been a whole day since my kid ate any fruit edition)

bananas

milk 

yogurt

frozen fruit

granola

If I always have all of this stuff on hand, I can solve all situations with food. LIKE THE EMOTIONAL EATER I AM.

Any essential items you keep stocked that might be surprising to others? Does anyone have a fridge salad bar? What's your emergency cabinet meal that you always have on hand?

That escalated quickly

 I was having a FINE TIME on Friday. A little frantic, sure, as the end of the week often is, especially the end of the week near the end of the semester. BUT FINE. Ben was out of town for a work thing, but everyone got to school on time. The house looked mostly OK (even though I didn't change anyone's sheets all week-- don't worry, I changed five freaking kid beds on Saturday); laundry was basically caught up. I did a TON of work on future classes last week, so I really needed to spend my preschool hours in the grade cave. And I did! Harry came home to get changed for a tennis invitational meet and eat a late breakfast. I took a walk, worked on my adjunct classes, graded my freaking face off, updated by 2024 tracking docs, defrosted some chocolate chip brioche to make baked french toast for kid dinner and thought about seeing if Ben wanted to go out when he got back to town. THINGS WERE FINE.

Then I picked Minnie up from preschool, and the moment she saw me on the playground, she started screaming and crying that both of her ears hurt.

**RECORD SCRATCH**

I should note that she was sick AGAIN last weekend (super high fever on Saturday-- that did not break for 24 hours despite meds-- and a headache). She was OK on Monday (had been fever-free for 24 hours by then), but she got a yucky cough and a runny nose), so Ben took her to see her pediatrician on Wednesday to ask why she is sick all the time. The doc said she thinks it's just preschool germs, but she'll do some bloodwork if things don't work themselves out this spring/summer. She also referred us to the ENT (who called me as I was checking Jack in at the pediatric endocrinologist, and typing this, I realize I need to get on the ball and schedule her appointment ASAP since ASAP probably means in like 5 months even if I call first thing Monday **melting emoji**) to see about tubes or maybe tonsils out. She also told Ben that Minnie's ears were red but not infected and advised us to be on the alert for an ear infection. HER SECOND ONE IN 30 DAYS.

WHICH SHE GOT ON FRIDAY WHEN NO PEDS WERE AVAILABLE TO SEE HER. 

Just to make everything more awesome, Harry was at tennis until 5, so he could not help me transport anyone, and Ben was not due back in Madison until around 7. Jack had a 2pm dentist appointment for a checkup and cleaning, and I absolutely could not reschedule because it takes MONTHS to get in right now AND ALSO I forgot to tell Dorothy I wouldn't be home when she got home. This would be ok if it was just the dentist because I'd be home right after her and could leave a note. BUT! The only time a doc in our HMO could see Minnie Friday afternoon was at 3:20 pm at a clinic all the way by my office. (after the pneumonia incident, I have notes in her chart that she should be seen by peds providers first, family practice second, and MD/DO/PNP only if possible).

Soooooooo. I gave Minnie some Tylenol and a heating pad for her ear and made her a snack lunch for her on the couch, where I set her up with a show and a blankie. I texted Harry and told him if he for some reason got done early, I would need him and he should call me. I jumped on our district's online attendance app and called out Jack for his appointment and Dorothy because I realized the only workable solution for her was to get her early and bring her along. I ate lunch, put away the day's laundry, packed a bunch of paper and washi tape and markers and stickers in my purse along with a couple of tiny baby dolls and a bunch of snacks, made sure I had water bottles for both girls, threw ibruprofen in my bag for Minnie, figuring if I alternated ibuprofen and tylenol every 3-ish hours, I could keep her feeling ok ear-pain-wise.

We got Dorothy (who was happy to have some extra time to listen to Taylor Swift), got Jack, drove to the dentist, got Jack checked in, enjoyed Minnie napping in the car, went inside when she woke up to get a report from the hygienist, etc. I dropped Jack back off at school for his English class because he didn't want to do an essay at home that he could work on in class and booked it across town for Minnie's appointment, telling Jack I would be a little late because Coop gets out of school at 4:10, and I assumed I would leave urgent care (supposed to be a 15-minute appointment) and go straight there.

OF COURSE THIS WAS A DUMB ASSUMPTION. We waited forever at the clinic. SO HAPPY I COULD DOSE MINNIE WITH MEDS IN THE CAR because her ears were killing her again.  The intake nurse could not get an accurate reading on Minnie's pulse ox (machine prob; not a Minnie prob) or her blood pressure (same). She was sort of flustered by this and forgot to ask us if we'd be ok with a nurse practitioner student coming in before the doctor (usually yes; that day I would have said no because I was in a hurry). The student came in and was so nice and lovely and great that I couldn't tell her to GTFO and get the doc. But! We essentially had double exams. And the student freaked me out about Minnie's lungs (which were clear on Wed at the pediatrician's office), but then the doc said they were fine, and the congestion is in her throat, which makes sense to me and Ben who woke up with the most awful cough-- thank you , Minnie. She has a double ear infection, of course. Her second this month. The doc went back and forth about what to prescribe and ultimately went with the same abx she just had but a longer course. Fine!

NOT FINE THOUGH. Apparently, that abx is only ok for 10 days when mixed, and he wanted her to take it for 14 days. The pharmacist was SO RUDE TO ME (I will be making a complaint with member services on Monday) which was completely off base because I DID NOT WRITE THE SCRIPT, and we waited 30 minutes for the meds AND have to follow up on day 8 to make sure they're working (sooner if she's still miserable). The pharmacist was like did the doctor say how long she needs to take this? And I was like he said 14 days, and she goes, oh really? are you sure? Do I need to call the doctor? Um WHAT??? It was like she was a disappointed mom trying to threaten me into telling the truth??? It was the icing on a terrible stress cake.

I was 90 minutes late for pick up-- thank god for Cooper's homeroom teacher who stayed with him even though it was a Friday, and Jack dirty old manned it in a Tropical Smoothie Cafe for almost 2 hours.

We got home with everyone starving, and I asked what they wanted to eat, fully prepared to order takeout. The response? Pizza, pancakes, smoothies, and fresh cookies. Ha! SO EASY TO DELIVER THAT WEIRD ASSORTMENT OF FOOD TO THE TABLE with the groceries I had in my fridge and freezer. I even threw is some carrot and pepper sticks and strawberries.

FIVE KIDS IS A TON OF KIDS, it turns out.

Also! My seven-year colonoscopy is offish!

I got the official pathology report before this letter and googled it-- Dr. Google was like GET EXCITED FOR WEEKLY COLON CHECKS, BETCH, so I messaged the doc before he sent the letter asking him how long until my next scope. But then he replied after he sent the letter and seems to think I can't read, which, fair enough. THE LETTER IS CRYSTAL CLEAR. LIKE MY COLON. Gimmee all the red meat and twinkies.

(Also, tennis is cute)

What’s for Dinner April 20-26 (skirting, walking, grocery haul, etc)

 I am doing this WILD thing where instead of throwing away a bunch of produce and deli meat we don’t eat (as soon as I got my colon cleaned out, I began filling it back up with nitrites because I FREAKING LOVE SALAMI), I am buying a more reasonable amount of food at the store and then RE-STOCKING THE FRESH STUFF if we run out. #Revolutionary

Unfortunately, there are seven of us, so even a moderate amount of food is actually ridiculous. These are last week’s groceries

(Not pictured: all the things I already put in the downstairs fridge, like 6 bottles of Fair Life chocolate milk and a million eggs).

ANYWAY.

Saturday: grilled chicken sandwiches, fries, broccoli

Sunday: pulled pork sliders, slaw, chips, brownies

Monday: Mac and cheese, Dino nuggets, crudités, fruit

Tuesday: Shredded chicken tacos, rice, chips, salsa, guacamole

Wednesday: Chicken Caesar wraps, snap peas (blanched with dip), fruit salad

Thursday: Stuffed shells, garlic knots, cauliflower

Friday: Grilled cheese and tomato soup, crudités, fresh fruit. I think I will make bread machine bread

Walking this week:

(I skipped Wednesday because COLON and only have pics of Sunday, Monday, Thursday, and Friday)

SKIRTS (also no Wednesday)

5 on a Friday: Creature Comforts (16/52)

 1.  Couch naps

2.  Park days

3. Skipping rocks

4.  Awesome new books to read

5.  Child-led conferences

It was FINE!!

 The colonoscopy was FINE!!

Something I want to do every day? No— but mainly because the prep was very time intensive. I mean, 4 liters is a LOT OF LAXATIVE, you guys. 

I was supposed to drink TWELVE 8-oz cups (oh the humanity!) of the stuff between 4-6pm the night before my procedure along with EIGHT 8-oz glasses of water. THAT IS A TON TO DRINK. I was so cold (because the prep tastes better refrigerated, apparently) after all of that fluid, though. I had to take a hot shower and use TWO couch blankets to watch TV.

I also could not eat anything after 10 am on Tuesday for a Wednesday procedure, and that sucked.I hate fasting. I could have clear liquids, popsicles, hard candy, etc (but nothing red because that looks like blood on the camera— an all other Gatorade flavors are gross). I ate some green jolly ranchers and drank a ton of apple juice and a little bit of Sprite. But mostly, I was just so freaking HUNGRY when the prep stopped moving through me. (At like 9:45 I had a giant coffee with cream and sugar from Dunkin Donuts along with one of their bagels with cream cheese which is a billion calories, so I was ok until around 4pm but then hungry for the next 18 hours— but I did sleep some of them away). (Also for 3 days before I had to eat a low fiber diet, so I was already missing my very favorite foods).

The first prep part was super fast as well and not at all painful or anything like that. Just kind of time consuming and gross. But fast!

And then! Because my procedure was at 9:30 am on Wednesday, I had to wake up at 3:30 am to drink the other 1/4 of the prep. Instead of spreading it out with one glass every 10 minutes, which is what the directions recommend  and what I did with the previous dose, I drank it all right away, figuring there was nothing left to come out of me, and I could just go back to sleep. Wrong and wrong. That was WAY TOO MUCH at once, and I felt just bloated and queasy for awhile. Next time I would stay awake longer and drink slower.

The prep doesn’t taste bad necessarily, but it has a definite feet smell and is the wrong texture for something you’re drinking even though it looks like plain old water. Mine came with lemon flavor powder, but the pharmacist said it was even grosser, so I didn’t try it. I did use a straw just to have some distance between my nose and the drink.

I also drank 40 oz of water at 3:30 am because I couldn’t have anything after 5:30, even water, and I am glad I did because I felt well hydrated all morning.

We dropped Minnie off at school and went a teeny bit early to the outpatient digestive health clinic, but it was PACKED, so this didn’t really speed anything along. I was worried that Ben would have to leave me there while he picked Minnie up, but everything was OK.

It was a really nice facility, and everyone there for a colonoscopy got a private room for pre and post procedure, so Ben was able to set up shop and stay there the whole time. A really nice (I know I just said that, but it’s the best bland descriptor for the whole ball of wax) nurse got me all checked in, and once I changed into a hospital gown and got hooked up to monitors, she gave me a heated blanket and started an IV. The doctor came in to meet us and tell me about the risks of the procedure and have me sign a consent form. I have never been sedated before so I was really nervous about that piece and asked him if it was too late to just go home and poop in a box.

He said he doesn’t think anyone should use cologuard because it just tells you if you have colon cancer whereas a colonoscopy actually prevents it. This was so succinct and persuasive that Ben made an appointment for a physical and a referral so he can get his own scope.

The doctor left to do the person ahead of me in line (this was peak HMO assembly line care, but in a good way) and said I’d be going to the procedure room soon.

30 minutes later another super nice nurse came to unhook my monitor and wheel my gurney down the hall. I told her I was nervous about the sedation (fentanyl and Versed), and she hooked up the procedure room monitors, got a blood pressure reading, helped me lie on my side like I was on a couch, gave me a really comfy pad and pillow, put an oxygen cannula in my nose, and said she was going to give a tiny dose of meds to start relaxing me but that I probably wouldn't fall—-

And then I woke up to her saying it was all over and I did a great job.

She wheeled me back to Ben, and I got a choice of snacks right away (I picked Diet Coke and peanut butter crackers and then asked for another pack of crackers that will probably cost ninety dollars when I get the bill). And that was it!! I had to stay in recovery for 30 minutes, which was plenty of time to halfway hear the doctor tell me about the results (I was lucid but not completely back to myself— I made 3 phone calls I do not remember, for example). 

I had 2 polyps, you guys!! They were both small (1mm and 4mm), and the doc said he thinks one is precancerous, meaning I will probably have to come back in 7 years, depending on pathology (which takes about a week). Needless to say, I am THRILLED that I did the procedure since I had absolutely no symptoms of anything. (If you are 45, you should think about doing it, too.) 

The rest of the day was basically me falling upon my lunch like a ravenous wolf and sleeping a lot. I took a sick day, obvi, since no work was happening, but I feel completely great today. All that anxiety for nothing! (Isn’t that always how it goes?)

Worst cocktail ever.

Minnie, entertaining her darn self while Ben had a call, and I was so so so so so so tired.

Ugh. Colonoscopy. Ugh. And HBD, Jack! (LOL LOL LOL Terrible Title)

 I DO NOT WANT to have a colonoscopy tomorrow, you guys. I start drinking the prep today at 4pm and I DO NOT WANT TO. Also, we are supposed to have severe storms that should hit about the time the prep does its work on my system, which is to say, if you see news footage of a woman on a toilet surrounded by rubble, that's what happened.

SO MUCH LAXATIVE, you guys.

Jack is sixteen today! I, of course, remember when he was born in such detail, and now? HE IS IMPOSSIBLY OLD.

We had kringle for breakfast, and he opened his gifts. And now we have three boys in this house and also 3 separate XBoxes. 

Jack had to go to school on his bday for standardized testing (whomp whomp), but he already celebrated with friends over the weekend, and I have been working on his traditional Oreo cheesecake to get it ready before I will be, um, indisposed, and everyone has promised to save me a piece. Given the nutrition facts, though, maybe I don't need one.

Also, while I was making the ganache, I let my stand mixer do its thing with the whipped cream. Unfortunately that thing was spread tiny flecks of whipped cream all over the cabinets and walls and small appliances. Oops.

Srsly, though. FOR ONE PIECE